How Strict Is Your HOH

How strict is your HOH, or just as importantly, how strict do you want them to be?    Sometimes I want HOH to be quite relaxed and basically lazy.  That allows me to be lazy too and when we’re like this we’re usually lazing about the house or visiting the pub.    Not really the reasons we started DD, but every now and again we need to be like this to recharge and whilst not doing anything about we do talk and thing of grand plans.

The opposite end of the scale would be complete strict bitch.   I looked at the defination of strict here. Just what every HOH should be – “Demanding that behaviour concerning behaviour are obeyed and observed.”    Another word to look at is stern – “… serious and unrelenting, especially in the assertion of authority and excercise of discipline”.

Somewhere in the middle is the more fair HOH – one who can made a judgement that although things didn’t get completed there was a valid reason or someting else was done instead.   This is probably where we should be most of the time, but aren’t.

I want C to be the strict and stern HOH from time to time.   When she’s in this mood it means I’m focussed and we achieve things.  Its not quite boot camp but just turns up the DDness a bit.  With this in mind, I set out and fabricated the HOH-o-meter.


I’ve got some games spinners – they cost pennies from Amazon – but they’re just the spinner.  I was surprised how many there were in the bag when I only wanted one or two.    I screwed one of them to a piece of laminate board we had left over and it accepts dry marker or white board pens.   Around the spinner I’ve written “Easy”, “Fair” and “Strict Bitch”.   The idea is not to spin the arrow and take your chances but to point at how I want HOH to be.

It was initially a bit of fun, but I think we can take this further and allow either of us to up the ante when we notice that things are standards start to fall again.

I’ve also made some other things with the spinners, they were most definately for play.   Two spinners, the first marked with plastic/rubber, wood, leather and the other with short+light, long+light, short+hard, long+hard.  Spin each to discover something to do – plastic/rubber could be a chastity device, C’s HOH Strap or the ball crusher, wood could be the humbler or a paddle and leather could be any of our tawses/straps or some fetish leather wear.   I made a serious design flaw by putting long+hard at the bottom. Holding it up to show C what I’d made it continually stopped spinning at long+hard.    Best used on a flat horizontal surface.

Whilst the HOH-O-Meter is a bit of fun I do want C to take the serious strict bitch role more sometimes.   Its still too easy to put off doing tasks and chores and by the end of a week we’ve achieved nothing again except to fill the recycling with wine bottles and fill the pub tills with cash.    I think the strict bitch Lady C and I need to look closely at our goals again, not the long term ones, but the short term ones.  What do we need to do this week or today? Also the flip side of that is – what should we not do this week?

How strict and stern do you want your HOH to be?

Getting Started In Domestic Discipline Part 3

The first two parts have been consolidated here and are probably most of what any beginners to DD need to know.   In this part I’m going to finish up by discussing Boot Camps and some other bits and pieces that don’t really fit in anywhere else.

Boot Camps

We don’t do these correctly, however who’s to say any other way is wrong either.   The purpose of Boot Camps is to have, usually, a weekend set aside when you do nothing except talk, act and sleep Domestic Discipline.   It is an opportunity to establish the HOH and take each other out of their own comfort zones.   By this I mean you will get a punishment that is very hard by your own standards or in the case of HOH have to administer it.    Trust me its harder than it sounds from both sides.

When we do boot camps we tend to have a week when maintenance is performed daily and every task or rule is taken to extremes and punishments dished out accordingly.   For us the idea is to get us back into the way of the DD routine and making sure things gets done.

However you choose to do it is entirely up to you, but do take the time to plan it out in advance and if spending an entire weekend, make sure that you don’t need to stop to go out and goto the shops or have any other things that get in the way.  For us, our weekends are precious to us and we don’t want to give them up by staying in the house all weekend.

Other Hints and Tips

Whatever you make your DD arrangement is entirely up to yourselves.   I’ve given some ideas from what we do and have found to work for us.  Its up to you to find what works for you.

Getting the rules recorded is definately something that needs to be done.  Having a strong HOH who interprates them is also important.

Don’t make up rules on the fly, think about them before hand and agree to them and try and stick to them.

Allow yourselves days off – days when you both agree you’re not going to engage in DD.

Allow flexibility in the rules and review them to ensure that they’re actually what you want to do.

Take punishment time seriously.   It is meant to deter future bad behaviour and should do so.   For the punisher, you have more than your partners consent to punish – your partner WANTS or NEEDS you to punish to acheive goals.   Don’t let them down.   For the punishee – as just mentioned you want your partner to punish you so help you acheive your goals.   Don’t be suprised when you get a call for a punishment – it is for the greater good.

Don’t let not being in a mood for a spanking get in the way.  This is not for sexual relief.

Remember this is within a loving relationship to achieve goals, don’t let it become abuse.

Initially, start with a few rules and keep them simple.   Add rules later once you get into the way of things.

How you interprate the rules is entirely up to individuals and moods.   Some go for a complete strict approach with absolutely no allowances, others go for a more relaxed approach.   We tend to stick to the relaxed approach most of the time.

Punishment time is also something that couples do differently.  Some like a weekly assessment and perform punishments at this time, whilst others like to act immediately or at the first convenient time – “Wait ’till I get you home”.    Having the best of both works too.   An immediate punishment as soon as the offence is committed, with a weekly to cover all the others.   There is also the option of having a punishment BEFORE any offence might be committed to encourage good behaviour.   Imagine you are both going out to a dinner party and you don’t want your partner getting too drunk again as they did last time… You get the idea.

Punishments don’t need to be limited to spanking bums.

Above all, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re doing it wrong.   Your Domestic Discipline arrangment is yours to do what you want to do, however if you want advice, then ask.

And lastly, enjoy your new Domestic Discipline lifestyle.   It can be rewarding, even humbling after a punishment when you both get together hug, kiss and make up.   It takes a lot of stresses and tensions out of the relationship.     You may also find that you say sorry a bit more too.



Getting Started In Domestic Discipline

This post was inspired by a reader – you know who you are – for newcomers looking to get started in DD.

Its going to be a long post and I’m going to break it up into two or more parts and then dedicate a page to it when its all completed.   Please feel free to comment and if I haven’t got it completed by Wednesday then complain to Lady C and demand action 😉

Right and Wrong

The first and most important point is that there is no right or wrong way of doing things – it is unique to yourselves and what you want to do and achieve.   You may have seen the letters TTWD on other sites – it stands for This Thing We Do with the emphasis on WE.

Another important thing is that it is not all about having a bit of spanking fun, it is serious lifestyle choice and needs to be discussed freely with your partner at length.  There are many pitfalls, but overall the scheme of this should be to agree some rules and at some point if they are broken or performance is not upto scratch then you get punished.  Easy huh?

Getting Started

Find a quiet place where you and your partner won’t be disturbed for a few hours.  Don’t have distractions like televisions, phones, tablets etc and prepare to set aside a few hours whilst you put together the framework of your DD lifestyle.   During this discussion you want to open and frank with each other and at the end of it know why you want to live the DD life and what you expect to get out of it.

Also discuss punishments.   You are both going to agree that when you break your own rules it will be a punishment.  Can you cope with the fact that you will need to physically hurt somebody that you care for?  Can you also cope with being punished?   The important thing is talk about it, get agreement.   If either of you don’t totally agree with the concepts or don’t fancy any part of it then don’t include it.   You need to both agree otherwise at some point in the future it will not happen and that will be the start of the end of DD.

Goals and Rules

These can probably be considered as the same thing, however  we have them split into goals and rules.  This is a personal twist that we have and didn’t originally have it in the DD arrangement.


These are long term things that we want to achieve and are a useful set of categories that we can go back at look at the big picture without getting involved with the detail.

We have the following goals:

  • Be healthy
  • Be organised
  • Domestic bliss
  • Look good
  • Our house
  • Save our sanity
  • Financial

They are a bit vague, but make sense to us.  We want to be healthy, and that includes drinking less, more excercise, eating healthier foods etc.     We also want our lives to be organised – that means making arrangements for our offsprings, parents and generally keeping on top of things.  Domestic bliss is where the chores are split and we (OK especially me) don’t annoy each other.   Look good means that I keep clean shaven, wear neat business like clothes, regularly trim my nails, haircuts etc.  Our house is just a placeholder to remind us about home improvements we want to make.  Save our sanity is our reminder that even although we have work and home commitments then we still need to take the time to enjoy ourselves by having going out for dinner, going to the pub, meeting up with friends etc.   Financial is all those things that we need to keep on top of like balancing accounts, looking at bills, and other boring stuff.

From some of these some rules neatly fall out, others are as I have mentioned reminders about what and where we wanna go with our lives.


We have quite a few of these now.   Again the important things are communication and agreement.  Not so obvious is the fact that they need to be achievable and measureable.   Don’t create a rule that is going to be impossible to meet, drop the bar a bit and have something that will help you meet your goal.   Also try and be precise about how the goal or rule will be met and that can be time based, event based or both.   For example my reader mentioned weight loss, the rule could be lose 1 kg in a week, or for an excercise type rule, cycle at least twice in the week and achieve 10 km.

Note to self: I don’t even know if these rules are realistic – maybe I should type less and research more.

With rules allow yourselves get out clauses for occasions where it is acceptable to you both for the rules to be temporarily relaxed.  Think about holidays, illness, special occasions.  Example – you may need to work away at a hotel that has no fitness club, how can you acheive the excercise bike.

At the end you will have a set of rules (or goals) that you and your partner have agreed on.   To change them is going to take the same effort and again you both need to arrange a time where you do this – and get agreement on.

We also have rules about challenging HOH or the rules and HOH’s interpration of them.   I shall talk more of HOH and that role later.

Part 1 Summary

At this point you have, both with equal standing in your relationship, generated goals, rules and a way forward for the future.   You have both participated in your rules and goals and are both going to try and abide by them.    In the next part I will discuss who is going to supervise the rules and make sure they are implemented, and most importantly what happens when the rules are broken.


Self Maintenance

Self Maintenance
Can a self spanking be performed in a DD context and be considered as maintenance?

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A Spanking For HOH

I really fancy giving HOH a spanking.  A nice over the knee bottom warming spanking.   I’ve been thinking about it since last night when she was being delightfully dominating.

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Getting Serious Again

A few weeks ago we were at the top of our game, doing regular reviews, regular maintenance and punishing accordingly. At the peak of this performance we had a punishment each which was more severe that we ever experienced. After this we seem to have drifted away and have started falling into our bad habits. Continue reading

Bootcamp Days An Update

An update on the Boot Camp Days that we’ve trying out.   We started the first review on the 4th February remotely using Skype to communicate.  The first review was a meant to be a bit of a dry run, however C took to the idea so much that she said that any missed goals or tasks would be counted and punishment would be administered as soon as it was possible. Continue reading

Cosy Fun

We planned another Lady C weekend last weekend.  The idea was for a strict Lady C to have some fun and a couple of HOH challenges to keep the DD lifestyle foremost in our minds.
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Rules Redefined

We’ve had to change our rules to suit a newer, healthier lifestyle.  We’ll probably change them some time when things change again.   One thing that never changes is that we BOTH agree to them.

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Roasting and Toasting

Last time C was online she was about to give my ass a roasting with Loopy Johnny.  Well not that night she didn’t 🙂 Continue reading