This is part 2 of a multi-part blog. Part 1 is here where I described the initial parts of getting your goals/rules agreed and adopted by both in the relationship. I cannot say it enough. Discuss and communicate as much as possible. Ensure that your joint goals are agreed by you both and are actually achievable. In this post I’m going to introduce who’s going to supervise and implement the rules and what happens when they are not followed.
Unless you have a completely equal relationship then one of you is going to naturaly become the more dominate and therefore the person in charge. In DD parlance they are known as the Head of the Household or HOH. HOH assumes charge of the rules and measures the compliance to them and ultimately decides what happens when they are not followed.
HOH should schedule a regular review of performance and there are many ways of doing this including the good old fashioned punishment book to high tech computer / smartphone based solutions. If you have a relationship that is not one sided then it is more a mutual arrangement with both looking closely at each other.
Be honest with each other. If you have underperformed then accept that, arguing that you couldn’t be bothered or were too busy doing other things should not be acceptable. If you weren’t going to manage to get something done then surely you knew BEFORE hand and not a week later?
HOH will quickly reach a verdict and announce that a punishment is due.
Of course, reviews do not need to be weekly and can be an ongoing thing. If something is going wrong and rules are being broken, then why wait for more? Act immediately and, if necessary, follow up with some more at the periodic review.
When rules are broken, then discipline is required. Usually HOH shall administer, but if your on an even footing then both can administer to each other.
You may find this harder to do this initially than you thought. Assuming a nice HOH in charge and a naughty partner who has not quite achieved the performance standard and both are in a loving relationship. How easy is it to raise your fists and physically hurt the other? Difficult isn’t it – you just wouldn’t do it. Therefore, by the same argument, using a spanking implement to cause someone who you care about hurt will be difficult too. Allowing it and accepting it will be difficult too.
We have taken the approach of agreeing to mutually acceptable punishments up front at the time we agreed to rules. I have suggested to my HOH a number of punishments that I would not like to get, but prepared to accept should my performance merit it. Some are for the lesser rule breaches, and others for more serious matters. Whatever happens, we have a mutual understanding and agreement about what is going to happen.
We do not use any safe words, the standards have been set and we can review them whenever we want, but once punishment time comes it is up to HOH to administer the punishments as HOH sees fit. HOH uses her judgement to assess if too little or too much, but either way there is no decision or too much emotions to get in the way.
A punishment should definately be something not to be looked forward too, too light and its really not worth the bother. It should definately be something that the recipient does not want repeated too soon. I have made the assumption that most people who read this are going to be into some form of S&M and more particularly spanking. We are too, but not all punishments need to be in this way, there are other ways of punishment including restricting or depriving of treats. Some HOH also sustain the physical punishment with some quiet time alone in the bedroom or standing in the corner before or after to allow them to reflect.
There should also be a formal element, no joking, HOH should take control and direct you into position. We have a standard position that I have to adopt. It gives HOH a good chance of striking the target area with little effort and makes for most pain.
After the punishment make sure that you both hug and show each other that you both care. Both are forgiven, and there are no bad feelings and you can now move forward without any bad feelings or moods.
Initially it may seem like fun but ask yourselve if you can handle a spanking that is going to hurt, possibly even lead to cries to stop or tears. If it’s a boudoir spanking from a semi-naked maiden to spice up life in the bedroom then possibly DD is not for you. You have both agreed to rules and punishments so whatever happens may be a shock to the system first time especially if you really only wanted a bit of kink. Are you up to be spanked when HOH decides when possibly you’re not in the mood? Future HOH – don’t let this be an excuse, effective punishments lead to less rule violations and ultimately your goals will be realised. Now that’s what you want to do this for isn’t it?
We have several specialist implements that are used for punishments. We have elevated one of them to almost superstar status and named it as HOH Strap. This is HOH’s favourite, it is easy to use, nasty to receive and synonomous with DD. I would suggest you get something similiar, even putting it on a hook in the bedroom showing that it is there to be used.
So what happens when there’s been no punishments for a while? Maintenance Spankings shortened to Maintenance is the answer.
Over time the pain of punishment will subside and behaviours will revert. It is for this reason that HOH is encouraged to regularly administer a maintenance spanking. This give HOH the chance to keep their hand in and to emphasis that DD is still around and misbehaviour WILL result in something a lot worse.
We try and do maintenance every Wednesday morning and if its missed then it just happens at the next most opportune time. I even have to remind HOH if she has forgotten. Six strokes from her HOH Strap is the regular dose. Its a very sharp reminder about what that strap is capable of. I can usually look over my shoulder and see the determination in HOH’s face as she cracks it down. I know HOH (and the Strap) have a lot left in reserve and that is effective maintenance – a gentle reminder of who is in charge and the consequences.
We established in part 1 that to get started in DD you need agreed goals and rules. In this part we have discussed that there should be somebody (HOH) in charge to make sure these rules are followed. Punishments will be administered by HOH on these rule violations and even these have been agreed beforehand.
For us, the key to a sucessfull DD relationship is discussion and agreement. Everything else just falls into place.