Our Tools and Processes

We use a number of various tools and processes in our DD Lifestyle.  On this page we’ve tried to collate them and present them in one place.  There’s probably been a post about each of them at least once.

The Contract

Probably the first thing anyone considering DD should have.  We started with a simple document, gave it a trial for a month, tweaked it for the next month and then made some other tweaks and came up with version 3.  This is the version that we are still working from and we’ve agreed to it for the next five years.   We both signed it and dated it and every now and again have a look at it.


A very important thing.  We have a number of things we want to do and achieve and we have written them down so that we can look at them and remind ourselves why we are doing this thing.  For example some of our goals are drink less alcohol, excercise more and be healthier.  We started with our goals written down, they’re now online on a web server somewhere called ToodleDo.  More on ToodeDo below.

Rules and Consequences

These document evolved almost a year after the contracts were put in place.  The rules naturally fall out of the Goals processes and the consequences are the agreed punishments or level of punishments that will be the consequence of breaching one or more rules.  These are simple word documents that knocked up and moulded into shape and got to a set that we’re comfortable to work with.  The rational behind these documents is that it should be easy to find out if a rule violation has taken place and remove the emotional side that the HOH may have in thinking of a harsh enough punishment.

HOH Manual

We have a A5 Filofax organiser which we keep printed copies of all our DD contracts, rules, goals and anything else that we feel is important in the management of this DD lifestyle.   The Filofax has a loop for a pen so we should never need to scramble about looking for anything.

The Review

Every Sunday morning we try to have a review of the weeks performance and HOH usually always ends up with one or more punishments for me 😦    This is probably an area that we are weak in just now.  Our Boot Camp Days Daily Review is a far better method and we’ll probably adopt this process.  Boot Camp Days uses a Spreadsheet with targets and actuals to calculate the punishments.   We appear to have stopped having the review.   This means that there is no measure for a formal punishment.

Planning (ToodleDo)

Following neatly on from the review is the planning process.  We use ToodleDo (see below) for most of our short, medium and long term planning.  ToodleDo is a web based To Do List accessable from most web browsers and mobile web browsers and allows simple lists or more complicated time management strategies like David Allens’ Getting Things Done.  They also provide a plug in for Firefox to quickly add a task and there are a good set of apps especially for Android and iPhone.   Personally I use DGT GTD on my Android smart phone and tablet.   The apps synchronise across the internet so that you have a local copy of all your tasks where you need it.    ToodleDo allows you to categorise and organise tasks by Folder, Goal, HotList, Starred, Tagged, Context etc.

We’ve created goals for our DD Goals i.e. Be Healthy, Excercise More, Drink Less, Look Good and some that aren’t i.e. Our House, Family.  Now when we create a task we can place it directly against a goal as well as organise by folder.   We find this a brilliant tool for organising both our DD Lifestyle as well as our normal everyday life and we can both update it on the go to capture something that we need to talk about, buy from the shops or C as HOH has to administer 😦   Yes, we have a folder called the HitList.  This is the list of outstanding punishments and also has the recurring maintenance task.   With memories like ours, this is probably the main part of our DD tracking and planning.

Planning (Daily)

For daily planning we have implemented a HOH board.   The HOH board is a mini whiteboard about 200 x 75mm (8 x 3 inches) that HOH puts in daily tasks.   All I have to do is to complete them.


Some of our goals are leading a healthier lifestyle and we have a FitBit that tracks our steps and flights of stairs on a daily basis.  It inspires us  individually and together in trying to reach your daily targets.

MyDrinkAware is a UK Government based website that allows you to track your alcohol intake and gives you an idea about how much you spend, what you’re doing to your body and how your getting on with your target.

MyFitnessPal is a web site that tracks food intake and calories.  It synchronises with FitBit and has apps for most of the smart phones on the market.  It has an extensive database of foods, not just from the US but we can find most UK supermarket brands and high street restaurant foods there as well.

Having these means that progress against targets can be measured and dealt with by HOH appropriately. Failure in updating is a serious infringement.


One of the D’s in Domestic Discipline that makes it different from a normal relationship.   The HOH has to punish, the rules and consequences give HOH an indication on the level of punishment.   HOH administers without emotion or guilt and the matter is closed.   We have a list of implements that we have permitted to be used for DD – for instance the Cats, whips and crop we have deemed to be unsuitable for one reason or another.


Maintenance is a light punishment that serves to remind that each party is in a DD Relationship.  It also serves to give HOH practice in using the implements and finding new and exotic punishments.   We have scheduled maintenance for Wednesday mornings.  Maintenance is NOT punishment and should always be given over and above any outstanding punishments

Boot Camps

We’ve tried boot camp weekends a couple of times and found them not to work for us, however we have created our own Boot Camp Days.  This is a wake up call for us and involves an early start with daily maintenance, daily reviews and daily punishments.  We have found that doing this for a couple of days gets our focus back to DD and more importantly meeting the goals and targets that we have set ourselves.

As always we do things our way and are always looking for ways to do them better to achieve our goals and happiness.   We’ve found out that there is no right or wrong way to do this lifestyle.  Some of the important things is that you do need a set of rules that you both agree upon and the understanding that a punishment is ultimately for the greater good and should be given and received with a good grace.

If anyone wants more information or copies of our documents and spreadsheets, then leave us a comment or drop me an email.

A and C

2 comments on “Our Tools and Processes

  1. Thanks for posting such a detailed guide to some of the tools and processes you use in your relationship. This is specific and helpful. I’m going to share the link with a number of lifestyle folks I know.

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