The Three Ss of Submission

I stumbled across an article on submission here I suggest you read the original article because I’m not going to copy it here verbatim.

Instead I’m going to discuss how it works for me/us in a Female Led Relationship. Dr Sue’s discussions were more of the online or professional Domme/sub and did no way reflect what we do as a couple in a relationship.

First of all let’s review the Three Ss:


Dr Sue wants submissives to ask ourselves if what we’re doing/proposing/asking, serving our dominant partner in some shape of form. There’s a few examples and I’ve got a few too.

When I started to look at this, I thought I had this one pinned. I make meals for Lady C, I fill and empty the dishwasher, I do gardening, I go to the shops and buy us food, and many other things. Surely that’s servitude?

And then I thought it through and realised it’s no different than the guy next door who probably does the same things for his wife. Most of these that I’ve mentioned have one thing in common – they benefit us both.

How about picking up Lady C from work. That’s closer as she doesn’t need to wait at a bus stop in the city for a non-existent bus in the rain and experience all the joys of public transport. She would get home quicker, we would get to see each other sooner and start moaning about how bad our jobs were. But there’s still that benefit to both of us.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that its very difficult to go out of your way in a 24×7 relationship for these kind of things. The closest I could get was serving Lady C a glass of wine as she walks across the threshold and perhaps helping her trim her bikini line. Now that last one she does appreciate as its not the easiest area to access yourself (men and women alike). However its a very intimate thing to be permitted to do and requires a gentle and steady hand. Now that she does appreciate.

So I think I can claim Servitude, but nowhere near as much as I thought I would be able to. What would make a big difference is when Lady C commands, not asks, me to do something for her. That way I know I’m serving her.


Dr Sue, on Sacrifice poses this question: “Is what I’m doing/proposing/asking, sacrificing for my Queen/King?” And again, there are some reasonable arguments on what forms sacrifice could take, and no none involved a virgin in some flimsy white outfit on an altar table.

I think some of the biggest sacrifices I make are to spend more time with Lady C. I rarely go the pub on my own to meet my friends, if we go, then its both of us. If I’m cooking, and I cook a lot, I usually like to have a beer as I’m preparing dinner – unless its early in the day. Usually its after work and waiting for Lady C to get home. So again I’m trying not to have a drink until she’s home and can join me.

Maybe not the greatest of sacrifices, but its something. How about chastity? Dr Sue thinks its the S we haven’t discussed yet, my thoughts are its more of a sacrifice.

The dictionary definition of chastity is generally about giving up sex. The definition of sacrifice is “the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone“. Anyone that has ever experiences a chastity cage for even a short length of time will tell you that it makes the wearer feel submissive, be more affectionate towards the person who has the key and give them lots of orgasms and generally be nice.

So I would say that chastity is a sacrifice a submissive man can make to his Domme. Giving up your orgasms to focus on the significant woman in your life? Its a no brainer.


Again Dr Sue starts by asking a question: “Am I suffering for my Queen/King?“. In a loving relationship, albeit FemDom, its difficult for the dominant person to make the submissive suffer too much. When the dominant is a sadist, as Dr Sue suggests, its very easy to make the submissive suffer.

She suggests Chastity is suffering, but I would tend to disagree. As I reasoned above, chastity is more sacrifice than suffering. I wear a chastity cage and I barely notice it is there, let alone suffer with any pain. I have to sit to pee, but that’s not exactly torture. There is some mental pain but that’s usually the direct result of Lady C teasing me and that’s when it’s getting to the suffering stage.

Spanking, now that’s more like it. I bare my backside, she uses stiff pieces of leather or wood to make it hurt. That’s real suffering. If its punishment, then its obviously deserved and I chose the path of physical punishment over a week of arguments and non speaking. One sore ass later and all the misdemeanors have been cleansed from my conscious.

So that’s punishments, how about these maintenance spankings? The ones delivered not for any other reason other than to remind me that punishment is never far away. And what about these spanking that are just at the whim of Lady C? No reason apart from she wants to, or she need practice, or its been a while. All of these I would say are definitely suffering for my Domme.

There’s another set of things and they are going to be pretty much like the Servitude argument. Things like queuing for ages in the rain in order to get the last thing of its kind from the shop. Yes, there are suffering but no different to a normal vanilla, non kink, non FLR couple. And if you’re in any relationship why wouldn’t you do it?


I would say I made three out of three in the categories. Some more than others, and if you discount all the vanilla things it really doesn’t leave a lot to make it me submissive just chastity, spanking and bikini lines.

Enjoy your weekend folks


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