The Three Ss of Submission


I stumbled across an article on submission here https://thedrsuereview.com/the-3-ss-of-submission/ I suggest you read the original article because I’m not going to copy it here verbatim.

Instead I’m going to discuss how it works for me/us in a Female Led Relationship. Dr Sue’s discussions were more of the online or professional Domme/sub and did no way reflect what we do as a couple in a relationship.

First of all let’s review the Three Ss:

Servitude

Dr Sue wants submissives to ask ourselves if what we’re doing/proposing/asking, serving our dominant partner in some shape of form. There’s a few examples and I’ve got a few too.

When I started to look at this, I thought I had this one pinned. I make meals for Lady C, I fill and empty the dishwasher, I do gardening, I go to the shops and buy us food, and many other things. Surely that’s servitude?

And then I thought it through and realised it’s no different than the guy next door who probably does the same things for his wife. Most of these that I’ve mentioned have one thing in common – they benefit us both.

How about picking up Lady C from work. That’s closer as she doesn’t need to wait at a bus stop in the city for a non-existent bus in the rain and experience all the joys of public transport. She would get home quicker, we would get to see each other sooner and start moaning about how bad our jobs were. But there’s still that benefit to both of us.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that its very difficult to go out of your way in a 24×7 relationship for these kind of things. The closest I could get was serving Lady C a glass of wine as she walks across the threshold and perhaps helping her trim her bikini line. Now that last one she does appreciate as its not the easiest area to access yourself (men and women alike). However its a very intimate thing to be permitted to do and requires a gentle and steady hand. Now that she does appreciate.

So I think I can claim Servitude, but nowhere near as much as I thought I would be able to. What would make a big difference is when Lady C commands, not asks, me to do something for her. That way I know I’m serving her.

Sacrifice

Dr Sue, on Sacrifice poses this question: “Is what I’m doing/proposing/asking, sacrificing for my Queen/King?” And again, there are some reasonable arguments on what forms sacrifice could take, and no none involved a virgin in some flimsy white outfit on an altar table.

I think some of the biggest sacrifices I make are to spend more time with Lady C. I rarely go the pub on my own to meet my friends, if we go, then its both of us. If I’m cooking, and I cook a lot, I usually like to have a beer as I’m preparing dinner – unless its early in the day. Usually its after work and waiting for Lady C to get home. So again I’m trying not to have a drink until she’s home and can join me.

Maybe not the greatest of sacrifices, but its something. How about chastity? Dr Sue thinks its the S we haven’t discussed yet, my thoughts are its more of a sacrifice.

The dictionary definition of chastity is generally about giving up sex. The definition of sacrifice is “the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone“. Anyone that has ever experiences a chastity cage for even a short length of time will tell you that it makes the wearer feel submissive, be more affectionate towards the person who has the key and give them lots of orgasms and generally be nice.

So I would say that chastity is a sacrifice a submissive man can make to his Domme. Giving up your orgasms to focus on the significant woman in your life? Its a no brainer.

Suffering

Again Dr Sue starts by asking a question: “Am I suffering for my Queen/King?“. In a loving relationship, albeit FemDom, its difficult for the dominant person to make the submissive suffer too much. When the dominant is a sadist, as Dr Sue suggests, its very easy to make the submissive suffer.

She suggests Chastity is suffering, but I would tend to disagree. As I reasoned above, chastity is more sacrifice than suffering. I wear a chastity cage and I barely notice it is there, let alone suffer with any pain. I have to sit to pee, but that’s not exactly torture. There is some mental pain but that’s usually the direct result of Lady C teasing me and that’s when it’s getting to the suffering stage.

Spanking, now that’s more like it. I bare my backside, she uses stiff pieces of leather or wood to make it hurt. That’s real suffering. If its punishment, then its obviously deserved and I chose the path of physical punishment over a week of arguments and non speaking. One sore ass later and all the misdemeanors have been cleansed from my conscious.

So that’s punishments, how about these maintenance spankings? The ones delivered not for any other reason other than to remind me that punishment is never far away. And what about these spanking that are just at the whim of Lady C? No reason apart from she wants to, or she need practice, or its been a while. All of these I would say are definitely suffering for my Domme.

There’s another set of things and they are going to be pretty much like the Servitude argument. Things like queuing for ages in the rain in order to get the last thing of its kind from the shop. Yes, there are suffering but no different to a normal vanilla, non kink, non FLR couple. And if you’re in any relationship why wouldn’t you do it?

Conclusions

I would say I made three out of three in the categories. Some more than others, and if you discount all the vanilla things it really doesn’t leave a lot to make it me submissive just chastity, spanking and bikini lines.

Enjoy your weekend folks

A

RESPECT


For the last week Lady C has been using the phrase “That’s disrespectful” . It’s been used for lots of things from walking in front of her, darling the wrong thing, in general most things. On Wednesday we spoke about it and what should happen should these words be spoken.

She really wishes sometimes she was brave enough to put me over her knee and spank me in public, but I can’t ever see that happening. In private it will happen, in company I shall make a note and it’ll get dealt with later.

So last night Lady C was at the theatre. I took advantage of this to watch an old cult movie – Blues Brothers 2000. We had just got to the point when Aretha Franklyn was about tell the guys of the band her thoughts and my phone rang. Yes, Lady C called just at the opening bars of Respect.

It’s now my custom ringtone for Her.

F.L.R. Paddling


Last night after returning from the pub and still caged Mistress decided it was time to try out Her F.L.R. Paddle.

Ouch that hurt and there’s still very visible signs on my ass this morning. The side effect of Lady C paddling my ass was to make Her very horny. So She gets pleasured, I get paddled – its not fair is it?

A

New Regime, New Position


One thing that’s came out since we rekindled our FLR/FLM is that Lady C is bit stricter and doing things Her way.   However that hasn’t stopped Her from seeing a good idea and adopting it. In particular She was reading a series of FLR short stories.   Most of these seemingly were total fantasy, but She did mention that a lot of the paddles had holes in them and that the men always appeared to be more afraid of them.

“Why do they have holes in them?”, she casually asked as we were going to bed.   “Well the holes allow the air to pass through and not build an air cushion below the blade allowing faster speed at impact”, was my response.

“I want to see what it’s like with holes”, She said. “Now bend over and grab your ankles.   This seemed to be a popular position in these stories”.   So, I bent over and did as She commanded as She started to paddle my ass.   Bent over grabbing ankles is a position that we have barely ever used, but She seemed to like it and even complemented me on the fact that I can actually get into that position.

Next morning as I was leaving for work, I said “You can have holes on two conditions: one – you choose a name for the paddle and two – you get a hole every time its used”.   Ok, possibly a bit brave of me to tell Lady C how I’m going to do things, but nonetheless She let it pass.

I suggested a few names for the paddle, but the one She chose was F.L.R. – For Loving Reminders. To be used to remind us both that every use is to be done for the betterment of our relationship, never in anger, always with love.

Yesterday I finished work early and was able to do a bit of modification to the paddle.  I drilled a hole, then thought I would drill some more.  We now have a paddle with 5 holes, one hole for each year of marriage.   When I showed Her the finished paddle She was very pleased with it and promised that She would be using it soon.  So far, its not been used, but I’m not hopeful.   Its not the best piece of wood and I’ve promised Her that I’ll make Her a new one made from a nice piece of wood such as beech, oak or maple.  One that’ll have a nicer shape, one made with all my skill and love and engraved with F.L.R.

So if anyone knows where I can get a nice piece of wood, please let me know

FLR / DD Relaunched


We’ve relaunched our FLR / FLM / DD lifestyle. We’ve been getting lax and falling into bad habits – OK possibly because last year I was not well and incapable of doing a lot of things as well as really not wanting any sex or kink.

So Monday I suggested to Lady C that we should look at a relaunch I was quite surprised when She replied with a blunt “Yes, we’ll discuss that tonight”. We visited the pub and after dinner She brought the subject up.

“So you want to relaunch the FLR? Well its going to be me making all the decisions, telling you what to do, making you eat healthier, drink less, going where I want to go, doing chores around the house, and giving me sex whenever I want? Is that what you want – no choice, no argument?”. “You do realise that you’ll get your ass strapped a lot more, and unless you want your cock permanently caged, you’ll need to do as I say, quickly and with good grace”. We’ll still make the big decisions together, of course, but She will have the final say.

This is bit different, she means business this time. “So, starting now you WILL do as I wish and keep me happy”. With that she took me up to the bedroom and sealed the deal with the nasty wooden paddle. “I like this paddle”, she says, “You made it specially for me to punish you with and I can see that you don’t like it”. With the paddle, She started spanking whilst lecturing me on her rules and our FLR/FLM arrangement. “You, will do as I say , otherwise this is what will happen. Understood?

So another chapter begins, with a stricter regime than last. So far She is living up to Her promises and we’re starting to get a bit more organised and putting the house and our lifes in order, with the paddle and straps keeping me focused.

Time will tell how things will turn out, but for now I’m enjoying it.

Do I Need a Reason?


Today is going to be a day full of spankings. On our whiteboard there is the following:

  • Pick 6 Implements
  • Find a reason to use them
  • Use them
  • Repeat

For reasons the following categories are suggested:

  • Discipline
  • Lady C’s fun
  • A’s fun
  • Proxy
  • Maintenance
  • Thought association
  • Encouragement
  • No reason
  • Whim
  • Regular
  • Rule breaches
  • Dominance

Most of these are straightforward, thought association is hearing, seeing, thinking, reading of something that can be taken out of context and put into a spanking one. Example that Lady C actually said this morning: “that cupboard is a pain in the bum”. Other examples are seeing the colour red, use of the words heat, warmth, sting, and pulling on a (bra) strap.

Proxy is simple – if there is a reason that Lady C needs spanked then she transfers that to her nominated proxy – i.e. me.

Regular? Well she may decide that she wants to administer a spanking every 10 minutes during 1900-2000 when we will be making dinner.

Dominance – well that re-asserts Lady C as the Head of the Household in our FLR

Anybody got any other reasons?

A

Welcome Home


Been working away again.  When it was getting time to book my return travel Mistress told me that I was going to get a spanking as soon as I get home.

For the next couple of days that’s all she spoke about.  “You’re getting a spanking whether you like it or not”.    “You’ll be naked over my knee”,  “You know you want it”, “Because I can, and I will”.

So when I did get, she allowed me to shower and then it was straight over her knee for a hand spanking.   She was naked except for a pair of “fuck me” shoes and whilst spanking lectured me that this was remind me that She is the boss of our relationship.

The spanking wasn’t too long, just hard enough to bring a glow to my cheeks and to re-establish Lady C as head of the house.

A

An All Over Spanking


Then plan yesterday was for a nice spanking.  Start with an over the knee hand spanking and then changing to paddle and hairbrush and when getting to much revert to the hand again.

That’s not what I got 😦    I exceeded my quota of beer at the pub and Lady C dispatched me to get the 2H Tawse and gave me six quick strokes on the bare bum.   Then she realised that they were meant to be on the hands so I was sent to fetch the more nasty 3H Tawse.    She gave me three on each hand whilst lecturing me and saying I would be getting lots more punishments and lots less beer.    Time taken to go upstairs, fetch the tawse, use the tawse, take it back and return back downstairs was less than 3 minutes 30 seconds.  Who says there’s no time to deliver a spanking?  If the Tawse in the hall cupboard was requested it would have been a lot quicker.

Back to the main spanking though.   I wanted a bit of ritual and requested that I was blindfolded before having the necessary clothing removed.   Then it was time to lay over those silky thighs for the hand spanking, She must have taken off some layers too because that was bare lap I was feeling.   After a bit it was onto the boudoir paddle.   That’s so much easier once there’s been a warmup, although six strokes with a tawse on the bare is hardly a nice warmup.  After the boudoir paddle it was time for the hairbrush and on it went for a couple of minutes.

She then lead me upstairs, still blindfolded, where She announced there was to be a mystery implement of Her choice.   I lay on the bed as She encouraged me to stick my bum out.  “Come on”, she says, “show me how much you like me spanking you”.   “Come on you can get it higher than that”.     Little did I realise at the time that it was not for my benefit but for Hers.  A stuck out bum is way easier for her to spank hard.   It was just at the point when she had stopped rubbing and pushing me down to arch my back that the big nasty wooden paddle crashed down.   Ouch, as it was laid across my cheeks.   She spanked slow and hard, then fast and furious continually telling me that I made this paddle just for Her and how I wanted Her to use it on me and it was just so perfect and it fitted her hand perfectly, was well balanced and that I knew I wanted to feel it hard.

That was the signal for her final strokes.   Six really hard ones on an already well spanked bum.   Then it was over and time to consummate the spanking.

Happy Spankings,

A

The Hairbrush


Mistress has a new spanking implement – the hairbrush.   I bought it a few weeks ago and planned to present it to her as part of Her birthday celebrations, except I forgot.   I found it in the bag yesterday and that prompted me to place in on Her dressing table.

A few hours later and I had forgotten all about it until it was time to go out to the pub.   I went upstairs and realised that Lady C was standing waiting, hiding something behind Her back.   Oops I thought, she’s found the brush.   She had found and wanted to use it immediately.     Couple of swats later and I’m now regretting the purchase.   I’m sure the packaging described it as perfect for brushing unruly hair and didn’t say it was convenient for spanking bums.

This purchase means that there will be a spanking toy readily available at all time in the bedroom and probably will also be in Lady C’s toilet bag when we go away on our travels.  Who thought of such a stupid present?

A

I Want A Spanking


Sometimes I crave spankings.  Nice spankings, and not the horrible punishments that the Bitch Strap is used for.   I mentioned before that Lady C does not do warm-ups and goes straight to burning, stinging throbbing pain.  Therefore I think I want one the nice spanking starting with over the knee hand spanking to gently warm the cheeks before going the next level with the paddle.  Next, a more kinkier I want her to straddle me and spank down each check until there’s a slight wriggling going on and then maybe spank a bit harder, faster, or even both.   Then to the finale with one of the lesser used straps to make the pink glow turn to red and leave me ready to consummate the spanking with a nicely reddened bum.

How do I get such a spanking?  Easy.   I just need to ask Lady C to do it for me.  She’s always happy to oblige.   However, it doesn’t always turn out how I wanted it.  She just takes advantage of the situation and does her own thing, usually heavy handed with her Mistress Strap or a nasty Tawse.   Its so much easier for her if I willingly present my bum to her than her demanding that I get into position.

I should be careful want I wish for, however secretly I do like when she takes control of a situation and enforces the FLR. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.